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Verylowsodium


delivering powerful diversions and ASCII noses via hypertext transfer protocol since 2001

Letters


Mail bag day! Mail bag day! Hey everybody, it's mail bag day!

I never update this section so nobody ever writes me. It's my fault, but only to the degree that anything can really be my fault, which isn't much. Have you ever sent me cult mail? No? See, that's my point. It's never too late to hop on board. cult@verylowsodium.com is the address to use, if you want your mail to have a chance of showing up here.

Usually I try to make a theme, but I'd like to get this update finished by 2004. So I'm just going to draw them out of a hat. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Subject: Teenage sushi happy-happy!

i wish to be showered in Bugles corn snacks!

Okay, next caller.

Subject:  

I need really low prices from new york to cleveland on 11/27/02 return 11/30/02

please i need really low prices for 2 citizens seniors and one is handicapped but they dont have specials and the prices are 200 -500 what is that i need prices from 126-154

Veloso Super Savers For Seniors will get you there for well under $126. With round trip fares between major cities at less than $49, you can get there without hurting your wallet. And with comfy first-class seating, you'll get their without damaging your osteoporosis-riddled bones.

I can just sign you up... wait... November 2002? Yikes! This is what I get for taking so long to answer my mail. Sorry. I guess you had to pay full rates after all.

That's okay, I was lying about the fares anyway.

Let's try picking one not from a hat (I mean, not even metaphorically). This one comes from royalty.

Subject: UR WEUBSATIE

OMFG UR WBEUSIUTE IZ RELYY DUSGUZITN BEUCZ WERT TEH GYU ANFO MOMFGH DUDD UR SIK1!!1111 ETH GIVER SI TEH GROZ1!11 U SIK SI KCK PEREVERTTTT1!111
U HEAR NE?!!!?!!?!?!!! UR WEBISUTE IS ISKC!1111 !!! SIKE!!!111 I HN8 IT !11111 U R NTUOT L33T LIEK JEFFF POWERLLL!!1111
HE ROXORS
U SUXORS
K

With All My Deepest Love,
Sir Edgar D. Winchester the XI

You almost certainly have me confused with goatse.cx, your highness.

One last letter and we'll call it a day. This one is a friendly warning from Ryan Higgins.

Subject: Picture - look before it's too late!
Look out behind you!

Yeah. My coat killed Sarah, which explains why she hasn't done the show in the past four weeks.

That's it for this letters page. At least it's an update. Whee!


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I can be reached at veloso@verylowsodium.com.

Contents copyright 2006 Greg Falcon.

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